7 Surprising Facts About Anger that Will Help You Take Control of Your Emotional Well-Being

Are you struggling with anger issues? Do you find yourself constantly feeling frustrated, irritated, or resentful? If so, you’re not alone. Anger is a common emotion that we all experience from time to time. However, when anger becomes chronic or excessive, it can lead to a host of problems in our personal and professional lives.

The good news is that by understanding how anger works and learning some key strategies for managing it, you can develop a healthier and more effective relationship with this powerful emotion. In this article, we’ll explore seven surprising facts about anger that can help you gain a new perspective and take control of your emotional well-being. We’ll also explore a simple technique that uses the power of your heart to help you get your anger under control. Let’s dive in.


1. Anger Is Not Necessarily a Negative Emotion

Contrary to popular belief, one of the most important facts about anger is that it is not a negative emotion. In fact, it’s a pleasurable one. When we feel angry, it’s because we perceive an injustice or wrongdoing, and we believe that we are in the right. This sense of moral superiority can be incredibly satisfying and even addictive.

Think about the last time you got angry. Did you find yourself dwelling on the situation, replaying it in your mind, and fuming over the injustice of it all? If so, you were likely experiencing the pleasurable rush of anger. This rush of anger energy can feel very empowering in your body, specially if you’ve been stuck in cicles of fear.

The problem is that this pleasure is short-lived and ultimately destructive. When we get caught up in the cycle of anger, we often engage in behaviors that perpetuate it, such as complaining, criticizing, blaming, or ruminating. These behaviors may feel good in the moment, but they only serve to intensify our anger and keep us stuck in a negative mindset that can often be self-defeating.

2. Anger Is Different Than Aggression

Another common misconception about anger is that it’s the same thing as aggression. However, this is not the case. Anger is an emotion, while aggression is a behavior.

When you feel angry, you have a choice about how to respond. You can either act on our anger in an aggressive way, such as yelling, hitting, or saying hurtful things, or you can choose to express your anger in a healthy and constructive way, such as assertively communicating your core feelings, core needs and establishing boundaries.

As psychologist Dr. Leon F. Seltzer explains, “Anger is neither good nor bad. Like any emotion, it’s conveying a message, telling you that a situation is upsetting, unjust, or threatening. If your kneejerk reaction to anger is to explode, however, that message never has a chance to be conveyed.”

The key is to validate your anger while controlling your aggression. This means acknowledging and accepting your angry feelings without judging them as good or bad, and then making a conscious choice about how to respond.

Personal Experience

I remember a time when I was struggling with anger in my own life. I had just gone through a painful breakup, and I was feeling hurt, betrayed, and resentful. I found myself constantly dwelling on the situation, replaying conversations in my mind, and fantasizing about getting revenge.

At first, it felt good to indulge in these angry thoughts and feelings. It gave me a sense of power and control in a situation where I felt powerless. However, over time, I realized that my anger was only making me feel worse. It was draining my energy, clouding my judgment, upsetting my stomach, and preventing me from moving forward.

That’s when I decided to take a different approach. Instead of letting my anger control me, I chose to validate it and then let it go (more on how you can do that later.) I acknowledged that my feelings were valid and understandable given the circumstances, but I also recognized that holding onto them was not serving me nor the situation.

3. Excess Anger Comes From Excess Thinking

If you find yourself feeling angry all the time, it’s likely that your thoughts are to blame. Our thoughts are often the direct cause of our emotions, including anger. This is one of the most crucial facts about anger to understand.

When you encounter a triggering situation, such as someone cutting you off in traffic or a coworker making a snide comment, it’s not the situation itself that causes you to feel angry. Rather, it’s the story you tell yousrelf about the situation that generates the emotion.

For example, if someone cuts you off in traffic and you think to yourself, “What a jerk! They did that on purpose just to make me mad,” you’re likely to feel a surge of anger. However, if you instead think, “Wow, that person must be in a real hurry. I hope everything is okay,” you may feel more compassion than anger.

The key is to become aware of your thought patterns and challenge any unhelpful or unrealistic beliefs that may be contributing to your anger. This might include thoughts like:

  • “People should always treat me with respect.”
  • “Everyone should love and like me.”
  • “Things should always go my way.”
  • “I can’t handle discomfort or frustration.”

By questioning these beliefs and replacing them with more realistic and compassionate ones, you can reduce the frequency and intensity of your anger.

4. Venting Makes You More Angry, Not Less

It’s important to recognize that venting, “acting out”, or “releasing” your anger is not an effective way to manage it. In fact, research shows that venting actually makes anger worse, not better. Venting your anger, believe it or not, keeps you from actually feeling it.

When we vent our anger, either by complaining to others or ruminating on it in our own minds, we’re actually reinforcing the neural pathways associated with that emotion. In other words, we’re training our brains to become even more sensitive to anger-provoking stimuli in the future.

As Dr. Brad Bushman, a professor of communication and psychology at The Ohio State University, puts it, “Venting to reduce anger is like using gasoline to put out a fire — it only feeds the flame. By venting, you keep angry feelings alive and you end up angrier, not less angry.”

Instead of venting, try validating your anger and then letting it go. This means acknowledging that your angry feelings are normal and understandable, but also recognizing that dwelling on them is not productive.

7 facts about anger

5. Anger Is a Reactionary Emotion

Anger is often a reactionary emotion that serves to protect or mask more vulnerable underlying emotions like fear, hurt, or insecurity. When we feel threatened or wronged in some way, anger can arise as a defense mechanism to help us feel more in control and less vulnerable.

For example, if your partner criticizes you, you might initially feel hurt or insecure. But rather than acknowledging and expressing those more vulnerable emotions, you may react with anger instead. The anger serves to protect you from feeling the full depth of your hurt and insecurity.

Recognizing that anger is often a secondary emotion can help you get to the root of what’s really bothering you. By identifying and addressing the underlying emotions, you can often diffuse the anger more effectively.

Reflection Prompt: Think about a recent situation where you felt angry. Can you identify any underlying emotions that might have been driving your anger? What underlying emotion was your anger trying to protect?

6. Anger Can Be Channeled Into Positive Action

While uncontrolled anger can be destructive, it’s important to recognize that anger can also be a powerful force for positive change. Anger’s energy and intensity can be harnessed and redirected into creativity, activism, or personal growth.

For example, if you’re angry about social injustice, you can channel that anger into advocacy work or volunteering for a cause you believe in. If you’re angry about a personal setback, you can use that anger as motivation to work harder and prove your doubters wrong.

As Dr. Harriet Lerner, psychologist and author of “The Dance of Anger,” explains, “Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to. Our anger may be a message that we are being hurt, that our rights are being violated, that our needs or wants are not being adequately met, or simply that something is not right.”

The key is to find healthy and constructive outlets for your anger, rather than letting it consume you or control your behavior.

7. Anger Can Be Surrendered

One of the most profound insights about anger comes from Dr. David Hawkins, who teaches that anger can be surrendered and released by simply allowing yourself to fully feel it without acting on it, until it has run its course.

This means sitting with your anger, becoming present to it, letting it wash over you, and observing it without judgment. Rather than trying to push the anger away or distract yourself from it, you allow yourself to experience it fully until it’s fully dissolved.

As Dr. Hawkins explains in his book, Letting Go: The Path of Surrender, “The willingness to simply sit with anger and let it be, while refraining from expressing it outwardly, is the key to letting it go. This is the essence of the letting go technique.”

By surrendering to your anger in this way, you create space for it to dissipate naturally, rather than fueling it with resistance or rumination.

7 Steps for Managing Anger with Heart Coherence

  1. Recognize the Feelings of Anger: Notice when you’re feeling angry and acknowledge the pleasurable aspects of the emotion without getting caught up in them. Feel its power as increased blood flows through your veins.
  2. Choose Your Response: Remember that anger and aggression are different. Validate your anger – it’s okay to feel angry, but choose to respond in a healthy, non-aggressive way.
  3. Challenge Your Thoughts: Identify any excess thinking or unhelpful beliefs that may be contributing to your anger, and replace them with more realistic and compassionate thoughts. Give yourself permission to let go of the stories about why you feel angry.
  4. Avoid Venting: Instead of venting or ruminating on your anger, complaining or critizising, practice validating it and deeply allowing it. Going on a 20-minute walk can often be helpful.
  5. Identify the Root Emotion: Recognize that anger is often a reactionary emotion masking more vulnerable feelings. Try to identify and address the underlying emotions. Ask yourself, “What is the deeper feeling beneath this anger?”
  6. Channel Anger into Positive Action: Look for healthy and constructive ways to channel the energy of your anger, such as creativity, activism, or personal growth. Ask yourself, “How can I channel this anger into something constructive?”
  7. Practice Surrender and Heart Coherence: When you feel angry, take a few minutes to practice heart coherence. Focus on your breath and imagine breathing in and out through your heart. As you do this, fully welcome the anger, allowing yourself to fully feel it without judgment or resistance. This practice can help you move from anger to a more neutral, calm, and easeful state. My 20-minute Heart Coherence Guided meditation will undoubtely help:

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Is it okay to feel angry? A: Yes, anger is a normal and natural emotion. It’s okay to feel angry, but it’s important to learn how to express and manage your anger in healthy ways.

Q: What if I can’t control my anger? A: If you’re struggling to control your anger, try doing my 20-Minute Heart Coherence technique daily for 30 days. This simple technique will neutralize the negative effect of your anger. It will also strengthen your emotional sistem and help you build emotional resilience. It may also be helpful to seek support from a coach, therapist or anger management program. They can provide additional tools and strategies for managing your anger effectively.

Q: How can I be more compassionate towards myself when I feel angry? A: Practice self-compassion by reminding yourself that anger is a normal emotion and that everyone struggles with it at times. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would a good friend who is going through a difficult time.

Final Thoughts

Anger is a complex and powerful emotion that can be difficult to manage. However, by understanding how it works and adopting some key strategies for dealing with it, you can develop a healthier and more effective relationship with your anger.

As someone walking the path of Heart Mastery, you have the power to choose how you respond to triggering situations and difficult emotions. By practicing heart coherence, validating your anger, challenging unhelpful thoughts, channeling your anger into positive action, and surrendering to it when necessary, you can break free from the cycle of chronic anger and cultivate greater peace and well-being in your life.

Start implementing these anger management strategies today. Practice heart coherence for 10 minutes each day, keep a thought diary to challenge unhelpful beliefs, and look for opportunities to channel your anger into positive action. Finally, remember to be patient and compassionate with yourself as you learn to feel into, deeply welcome, accept and let go of your anger.

Doing all these things will undoubtedly turn you into a powerful heart warrior!

From my heart to yours,

Facts About Anger

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