One of the best gifts you can give others is sharing your true feelings with them. We are here for such a short time that anyone who makes you feel so deeply and intensively deserves to know how they make you feel.
If you’re not used to expressing the more real, vulnerable, and authentic aspects of yourself, this may be hard to do at first. Let’s face it; once you open your heart to another, you risk being rejected, criticized, or judged. And you risk hurting the other person too.
The cost of not sharing your feelings means that others around you don’t get to know, feel and experience the real you. It also keeps you from feeling emotionally connected to others and having a sense of intimacy with them.
If you want to feel more connected to others and build deeper, more loving relationships, you must share what’s in your heart with others regularly. To help you with this, today, I’d like to share with you the three most common mistakes people make when sharing their feelings.
Three Mistakes People Make When Sharing Their Feelings
Mistake #1: You don’t share your feelings!
Many people never share their feelings. Either they do not get around to it, are emotionally blocked, don’t know how to, or are afraid of getting rejected by their loved ones if they speak out.
The Solution:
Share your feelings anyway! Make it a goal to share at least one feeling with someone before your head hits the pillow tonight. While it is unlikely that you will get rejected, even if you do, most people will react positively if you share more of yourself with them. Every time you share your feelings with someone, you build greater intimacy and connection with them.
Mistake #2: You share your thoughts instead!
This happens all the time, and it goes something like this, “I feel that if you love me, you would go to the store and buy me ice cream.” This is a thought disguised as a feeling!
The Solution:
Share the actual feeling instead! Feelings are generally expressed in a single word: anger, fear, love, anxiety, neutral, flat, excited, connected, splendid, etc. Before you speak, take a moment to feel into your emotional body. Once you’ve identified the feeling, go ahead and describe it with a simple word. If you feel fear, then say, “I feel fear.” If you feel anger say, “I feel angry.” If you feel sad, “I feel sad.” One word is all it takes.
Above all, resist the temptation to go into the story about why you’re feeling what you’re feeling. Instead, try to stick to the facts. For example, let’s say your boyfriend got home late and you’re feeling scared. Try saying, “When you didn’t arrive on time, I felt scared.” It takes some practice, but you can do it!
Mistake #3: You act your feelings out!
Because most of us tend to either repress, suppress or escape our feelings, we can’t contain ourselves and end up exploding in anger, sarcasm, or even rage. The consequences of acting out our emotions can be very destructive, hurt others or push them away!
The Solution:
Learn to be with and fully embrace each feeling! Instead of avoiding, repressing, or acting them out, sit with your feelings. Count to twenty if you have to. But resist the temptation to let the feeling control your behavior or actions. If possible, allow the feeling to speak to you so that it can reveal the wisdom it contains. Your feelings are part of an intelligence system designed to give you information about your inner and outer environment. Understanding each emotion’s message is a valuable skill students of my Heart Warrior Training Program learn.
Build More Heart to Heart Connections
Finally, remember that your heart communicates with you primarily through feelings. Therefore, the surest and fastest way to communicate with someone else’s heart is by sharing your true feelings with them. That’s what social coherence is ultimately all about.
What are you feeling right now?
Who would you love to share your feelings with?
From my heart to yours,
