Do you long for deeper, more authentic connections with the people in your life? Are you tired of surface-level conversations that never quite reach the heart of what matters most? If you’re ready to build more meaningful relationships and experience the transformative power of vulnerability, you’ve come to the right place.
As a heart-centered leadership coach and spiritual guide, I’ve seen firsthand how sharing our true feelings can be both terrifying and liberating. It requires courage to open up and let others see the real you, but the rewards are immeasurable. When we express our emotions honestly and openly, we create space for genuine connection, healing, and growth.
However, many of us struggle with sharing our feelings effectively. We may have grown up in families where emotions were suppressed or dismissed, leaving us ill-equipped to navigate the complex landscape of our inner world. Or perhaps we’ve been hurt in the past when we dared to be vulnerable, leading us to build walls around our hearts.
Whatever your story may be, know that you are not alone. Learning to share your feelings is a skill that can be cultivated with practice and patience. By avoiding these seven common mistakes, you can begin to express yourself more authentically and build the kind of relationships your heart truly desires.
Mistake #1: Keeping Your Feelings Bottled Up
“Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.”
– Sigmund Freud
One of the biggest mistakes we can make is not sharing our feelings at all. When we keep our emotions locked away, they don’t simply disappear. Instead, they fester and grow, often manifesting in destructive ways like anger, resentment, or depression.
I know how tempting it can be to avoid vulnerability at all costs. For years, I struggled with expressing my own feelings, fearing rejection or judgment from others. I put on a brave face and pretended everything was fine, even when my heart was aching. But the more I tried to suppress my emotions, the more disconnected and alone I felt.
It wasn’t until I started practicing emotional honesty that my life began to change. By sharing my feelings with trusted friends and loved ones, I discovered a new depth of connection and intimacy that I never knew was possible. I learned that vulnerability is not a weakness, but a strength that allows us to be fully seen and loved for who we are.
The Solution:
Start small by setting a goal to share one honest feeling with someone you trust each day. It could be as simple as telling your partner, “I feel grateful for your support,” or sharing with a friend, “I’m feeling overwhelmed with work lately.” As you practice expressing yourself more openly, you’ll build confidence and resilience in the face of vulnerability.
Mistake #2: Confusing Thoughts with Feelings
“Feelings are much like waves: we can’t stop them from coming, but we can choose which ones to surf.”
– Jonatan Mårtensson
Another common mistake is confusing thoughts with feelings. We might say things like, “I feel like you don’t care about me,” or “I feel that this situation is hopeless.” But these aren’t actually feelings; they’re thoughts or interpretations of our experience.
Feelings are raw, visceral sensations that arise in the body. They can be described with single words like happy, sad, angry, scared, or peaceful. Thoughts, on the other hand, are the stories we tell ourselves about what our feelings mean.
When we confuse thoughts with feelings, we create confusion and disconnection in our relationships. We may unintentionally blame or criticize others, rather than taking responsibility for our own emotional experience.
The Solution:
Before sharing your feelings, take a moment to check in with your body. Notice any physical sensations like tightness, heaviness, or tingling. Then, see if you can name the feeling with a single word. For example, instead of saying, “I feel like you’re not listening to me,” try, “I’m feeling frustrated right now.” By separating your feelings from your thoughts, you can communicate more clearly and avoid unnecessary conflict.
Mistake #3: Letting Your Feelings Control You
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
– Viktor Frankl
When we’re in the grip of strong emotions, it can be tempting to lash out or shut down completely. We may say hurtful things we later regret, or withdraw from our loved ones in an attempt to protect ourselves.
But when we let our feelings control us, we give away our power. We become reactive rather than responsive, slaves to our emotional impulses rather than masters of our own experience.
I’ve certainly had my share of emotional outbursts over the years. I remember one particularly heated argument with a former partner where I let my anger get the best of me. I yelled, slammed doors, and said things I didn’t mean. In the end, I only felt more ashamed and disconnected from the person I loved.
The Solution:
Practice mindfulness by noticing your feelings without getting caught up in them. When you feel a strong emotion arising, take a few deep breaths and observe the sensation with curiosity. Remind yourself that feelings are temporary and that you have the power to choose your response.
If you need to, take some time to cool off before engaging with others. Go for a walk, listen to music, or do something else that helps you feel grounded. Then, when you’re ready, approach the conversation with a clear head and an open heart.
Mistake #4: Expecting Others to Read Your Mind
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
– George Bernard Shaw
Have you ever found yourself feeling resentful or disappointed because someone failed to meet your unspoken needs? Perhaps you wished your partner would surprise you with flowers, or your friend would offer to help you move without being asked.
When we expect others to read our minds, we set ourselves up for frustration and disappointment. We may assume that if someone really cared about us, they would know what we need without us having to say it. But the truth is, no one is a mind reader.
The Solution:
Take responsibility for communicating your needs and desires clearly and directly. Instead of hoping someone will intuit what you want, practice making specific requests. For example, “I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately. Would you be willing to take the kids for a few hours so I can have some time to myself?”
Remember that others may not always be able to meet your needs, and that’s okay. By expressing yourself honestly and directly, you give others the opportunity to show up for you in ways that work for both of you.
Mistake #5: Apologizing for Your Feelings
“Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.”
– Benjamin Disraeli
How many times have you caught yourself saying “I’m sorry” before expressing a feeling? “I’m sorry, but I’m just feeling really stressed right now.” “I’m sorry for getting emotional, but this is important to me.”
When we apologize for our feelings, we send the message that our emotions are something to be ashamed of or a burden to others. We may worry that we’re being too sensitive, too needy, or too dramatic.
But the truth is, our feelings are a vital part of who we are. They give us valuable information about our needs, desires, and boundaries. When we apologize for them, we diminish our own worth and teach others to do the same.
The Solution:
Practice expressing your feelings without apology. Instead of saying “I’m sorry,” try “I feel” statements. For example, “I feel hurt when you cancel our plans at the last minute,” or “I feel excited about this new opportunity!”
Remember that your feelings are valid and deserve to be heard. By expressing them unapologetically, you model self-respect and encourage others to do the same.
Mistake #6: Waiting for the “Right” Moment
“Don’t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.”
– Zoey Sayward
Many of us fall into the trap of waiting for the “right” moment to share our feelings. We may tell ourselves that we’ll have the conversation when things calm down at work, or when our partner is in a better mood.
But the truth is, there’s no such thing as the perfect moment. Life is messy and unpredictable, and if we wait for everything to be just right, we may never speak up at all.
The Solution:
Embrace the power of now. If there’s something on your heart that needs to be expressed, don’t wait for the perfect opportunity. Take a deep breath, summon your courage, and start the conversation.
Of course, it’s important to use your discernment and choose a time when the other person is available and open to listening. But don’t let the fear of imperfection hold you back from sharing what’s true for you.
Mistake #7: Expecting Immediate Resolution
“The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.”
– Oprah Winfrey
Finally, many of us make the mistake of expecting immediate resolution when we share our feelings. We may hope that by expressing our emotions, the other person will instantly change their behavior or agree with our perspective.
But the truth is, growth and change take time. Even if the other person is receptive to your feelings, they may need space to process and integrate what you’ve shared. And in some cases, you may need to agree to disagree and find a way to move forward with love and respect.
The Solution:
Focus on the process, not the outcome. When you share your feelings, let go of any attachment to how the other person will respond. Trust that by expressing yourself honestly and openly, you’re planting seeds of understanding that will blossom in their own time.
Remember that the goal of sharing your feelings is not to control or manipulate others, but to create deeper intimacy and connection. By staying true to yourself and honoring the other person’s autonomy, you create space for genuine growth and transformation.
Final Thoughts
Learning to share your feelings authentically is a lifelong journey, one that requires patience, courage, and self-compassion. There will be times when you stumble, when fear gets the best of you, or when your words come out clumsier than you intended.
But every time you choose vulnerability over avoidance, you strengthen your capacity for connection and resilience. You teach your heart that it’s safe to be seen, heard, and valued, just as you are.
As a heart-centered leader, I believe that our greatest power lies in our willingness to be vulnerable. When we share our true feelings with others, we create ripples of healing and transformation that extend far beyond ourselves. We become beacons of authenticity in a world that so desperately needs more honest, heartfelt communication.
So take a deep breath, summon your courage, and speak from your heart. Trust that your feelings are a sacred gift, one that deserves to be shared with the world. And know that every time you choose vulnerability, you inspire others to do the same.
From my heart to yours,
