The False Soulmate Syndrome

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By Gabriel Gonsalves

Personal mastery, leadership development, and spiritual growth with the heart in mind. 

False Soulmate Syndrome

In today’s article, I want to discuss “The False Soulmate Syndrome.” This is a trap almost everyone on the path to Soulmate Love eventually falls into. I did. And chances are, you will too. I’ll explain what it is and how you can avoid it. 


What is a False Soulmate?

The False Soulmate Syndrome (or “Copycat Soulmate”) arises when you first commit to finding love, and begin to get very clear about what you want to have in a partner, lover, or Soulmate. So, you write a detailed list of what you desire in a partner and create a vision board with photos of people you find attractive. The movie The Secret called this process ‘placing your order with the Universe.’ (In my article How to Attract your Soulmate, I show you how to do this.) 

Shortly after placing your order, the Universe responds by bringing into your life someone who matches or closely matches all the qualities in your list. And, without hesitation, and wanting it so badly to be true, you immediately and prematurely announce to the world:

“I’ve found my Soulmate! I’ve found “The One!”

Then, after the initial excitement wears off and you slowly begin to get to know this new person and their imperfections, you begin to see signs that they are most definitely not “The One.” The relationship is no longer flowing, you’ve lost your emotional connection, the chemistry is gone, and something feels off, but you can’t figure out why. Because you told yourself so many times they were “The One,” and you even posted that cute picture of you two together on Facebook where you proclaimed your soulmate love to the world, you will do everything to make it work. And, no matter how hard you try, how much you change, how much you try to please them, things are just not working out. And this continues until they do something that disappoints you or breaks your heart. Finally, all alone in your room, you have to find the courage to confront the ultimate truth:

They are not “The One.” 

At this point, many lose hope or even give up.

You fell into the False Soulmate Syndrome. You were so desperate to find your One; you were so needy, impatient that you rushed and claimed Soulmate Love too quickly. And I don’t blame you! We live in such a fast-food culture, where people in movies fall in love and live happily only after 80 minutes; where we can buy pretty much anything with a click and have it within 24 hours. No wonder you expected your Soulmate to fall out of the sky instantly!

Avoiding the False Soulmate Syndrome

If you take a moment to observe nature and the way life works, you’ll notice that everything in the physical universe is subject to stages of development or growth. Nothing manifests out of thin air.

For example, if you want to plant a garden, just writing a list of the plants you’d like in it and designing it will not be enough. You have to prepare the earth, remove rocks and weeds, plant the seeds, water them, care for them, fertilize them, protect them from pests, and care for them up until harvest time.

Similarly, the process of attracting your Soulmate is also subject to several growth stages. Understanding these stages will help you avoid the False Soulmate Syndrome and accelerate your results.

The Four Stages to Soulmate Love

One of my mentors, Kathryn Alice, says that there are 4 essential stages to soulmate love. Some of these stages may not be relevant to you, and you may not linearly move through them. However, I want to mention them here because I believe that they are pretty relevant in understanding the process of manifesting soulmate love.

The First Stage: Attraction

You enter this stage the moment that you make the commitment to:

  • Manifest your soulmate by moving into the energy of faith, hope, and optimism that they are out there and that nothing can keep the two of you apart.
  • Get clear about what you want and your soulmate’s essential qualities, attributes, and characteristics.
  • Discover and start developing the many gifts of love you have inside you that you will share with your one.
  • Begin to declutter your mind, heal your heart, release the past, and start creating space for them in your life.
  • Stop feeling incomplete and acting needy or desperate.

At this stage, you become a magnet for love and know that the best is yet to come. The key is to keep your energy high and move through your life confidently and with the hope that nothing can keep your soulmate away from you. As you grow and develop the same qualities, attributes, and ways of being within yourself as you hope to find in the person you want to be with, you are starting to navigate yourself into their arms.

The Second Stage: Dating 

Inevitably, this is a stage you cannot avoid, for it is the stage where you begin to walk hand-in-hand with your One as you start getting to know each other. I like to define ‘dating’ as anything you do to get to know a potential romantic partner.

You’re literally meeting and trying out different people during this stage to see if they’re a fit. There’s no commitment; you are just trying out the arena, connecting with people, and simply having fun.

Depending on your personality and culture, you might even be dating several people simultaneously. I’m not saying that you have to have sex with all of them. Still, at this stage, you simply are exploring your options and casually getting to know people without any agendas or preconceived ideas of what dating has to look like.

You move through this stage confident that you will find love and quickly release anyone who is not a good fit for you. It’s easy to let them go simply because you know that you don’t have to settle for less than what you want and that your One is out there, and nothing can keep the two of you apart.

This stage continues until you find the person who is a good fit for you. Someone with whom things begin to flow. Someone available and with whom you have crackling chemistry, and you enjoy being with each other so much that you decide to move into the next stage.

The Third Stage: Commitment

At this stage, you consciously and willingly commit to being exclusive, but not necessarily to be together for the rest of your life. You move beyond society’s preconceived ideas about what relationships are supposed to look like, and you begin to set your own parameters for what you will and won’t allow. You commit to being in the kind of relationship that works for you and that allows love, freedom, and creativity to flow into both your lives.

You continue to date and explore each other while remaining cautious and taking things slowly. You may or may not live together, yet being with each other feels just right as you continue to discover each other’s rhythms and learn to embrace a new way of being in a relationship where the best of you is being brought forth.

The Fourth Stage: Soulmate Love

At this stage, after dating and being committed to having the kind of relationship you’ve always dreamt of, you decide to get married or make a formal commitment of some sort. And you choose to share the rest of your lives with each other. You also realize that you have come together for an even greater purpose, and that is uplifting the planet with your love. You discover that together, you can bring greater love into our world than the love you would have brought individually had you not found each other. Your love and passion for each other will inspire everyone who comes into your presence.

Conclusion

Ultimately, a relationship with someone who is not your Soulmate will never work out. A deep, intimate relationship with the person you’ll eventually call your Soulmate will require great patience, commitment, and time to grow – just like a beautiful garden. So, slow down, enjoy every step along the way, and be patient.

“Infinite patience produces immediate results.” 

A Course in Miracles 

Let this quote be your mantra as you go out on dates and slowly get to know that next person you find interesting. Allow the relationship to grow naturally and move from stage to stage. This is how you avoid the False Soulmate Syndrome and save yourself unnecessary emotional pain and heartbreak.

From my heart to yours,

False Soulmate Syndrome