It was 2 AM, and I found myself staring at the ceiling, my heart aching for someone who had left my life months ago. I couldn’t stop thinking about them, replaying memories in my mind, wishing things had turned out differently, and praying, “God, please remove this person from my heart! Please help me stop loving them, caring about them, or hoping they will love me back someday?”
Have you ever been there? Stuck in the painful cycle of loving someone who doesn’t love you back? If so, today, I want to share with you the surprising truth about why you can’t get someone out of your heart, and what you can do about it.
As human beings, you are wired for love and connection. Your survival depends on it. It is through others that you experience yourself, and it is by loving others that you learn to love yourself. Your heart, the organ of love and connection, longs to play with other hearts for the sake of loving, having fun, and feeling joyfully connected. But what happens when the person you love doesn’t love you back? How do you get someone out of your heart? Is that even possible?
The Paradox of Love and Connection
The more you chase after other’s love, the less loved you feel. When you buy into the idea that only through one person can you experience the love your heart longs for, you begin to look for love in all the wrong places. You become addicted to incessantly thinking about them, doing anything to gain their love and attention, and wondering how different it would be if they loved you back.
But the truth is, no other person can fulfill what is ultimately a longing of your heart and soul. Only the Divine, God, or the Presence of Love can do that.
The Addiction of Unrequited Love
My experience has taught me, through many painful heartbreaks, that each time I make another person the source of my love, I set myself up for failure and become enslaved to them. It’s a vicious cycle of addiction that keeps you trapped in the pain of unrequited love.
When you pin all your hopes and dreams on one person, expecting them to fulfill your deepest needs and desires, you give away your power. You become dependent on their validation, their attention, their affection. You start to believe that you are only worthy of love if this person chooses you.
But the truth is, no one person can be the source of your love and happiness. That’s too much pressure to put on any relationship. When you make someone else responsible for your emotional well-being, you set yourself up for disappointment and heartbreak.
The addiction of unrequited love is fueled by fantasy and illusion. You become obsessed with the idea of who you want this person to be, rather than seeing them for who they really are. You convince yourself that if you just love them enough, they will change their mind and love you back. But this is a dangerous game to play.
The more you chase after someone who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, the more you lose yourself in the process. You start to neglect your own needs and desires, sacrificing your self-respect and dignity in the pursuit of a love that may never be returned.
But there is a way out of this painful cycle.
How to Get Someone Out of Your Heart
The journey starts with recognizing that you are the source of your own love and happiness. You cannot find fulfillment through another person; you can only find it within yourself.
The path to healing from the addiction of unrequited love is a journey of self-discovery and self-love. It requires you to face your fears, your insecurities, and your limiting beliefs. It invites you to cultivate a deep sense of compassion and forgiveness, both for yourself and for others.
Only when you learn to love yourself fully and unconditionally can you truly love another person in a healthy and balanced way. Only when you release your grip on the fantasy of what you think love should look like can you open yourself up to the reality of what love actually is.
Out of Your Head and Into Your Heart: A Journey of Healing
I remember a time when I was head over heels in love with someone who didn’t feel the same way about me. I spent months pining for them, convinced that if I just tried harder, they would see how much I cared. But the more I chased after them, the further away they seemed to drift. It wasn’t until I finally surrendered my attachment and brought this person fully into my heart that I found peace. I realized that I had been using them to avoid facing my own insecurities and fears.
The path to get someone out of your heart is to bring them fully into your heart. It means moving from your head into your heart and having the courage to face your own wounds and take responsibility for your healing. This means embracing the totality of your experience with them – the good, the bad, and the ugly – and reframing it through the higher perspective the heart offers you.
Here are the steps I recommend you follow:
- Appreciate the gifts and lessons that this person brought into your life, even if the relationship didn’t turn out as you hoped.
- Feel compassion for yourself and for them, recognizing that you are all doing the best you can with the tools you have.
- Release and let go of your attachment to the story you told yourself about this relationship and how it was supposed to be.
- Forgive yourself for any mistakes you made and forgive them for any pain they may have caused you. Forgiveness sets you and them free.
- Be humble enough to admit that you cannot control or change another person, no matter how much you may want to. You did your best, and it’s time to move on.
- Understand that your worth and lovability do not depend on this person’s feelings for you.
- Have the valor to open your heart again, trusting that the right person will come along when the time is right.
Keeping Everyone in Your Heart: Christ’s Teachings
In the Gospel, Christ taught his disciples to “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). He didn’t say to befriend them, or date them or marry them. He was inviting them to keep everyone – even those who have caused them pain – in their hearts. Not on a pedestal or in a pit, but in a place of compassion, forgiveness, and understanding.
The same principle applies to getting someone out of your heart. You don’t have to forget the pain they caused you or pretend that everything is okay. But you can choose to release the anger, resentment, and bitterness that keeps you tied to them. You can choose to see them through the eyes of love, recognizing that they, too, are learning and growing on their own journey.
By keeping everyone in your heart, you free yourself from the burden of unresolved emotions and create space for new, healthy relationships to enter your life. You align yourself with the unconditional love that is the essence of the Divine, and you open yourself up to the healing power of forgiveness.
Final Thoughts
Trying to get someone out of your heart and stop caring for them is nearly impossible. The heart wants what the heart wants, which is to love and feel connected to others. So trying to get them out of your heart is to go against your own nature.
Getting someone out of your heart is not about forgetting them or pretending the relationship never happened. It’s about bringing them fully into your heart, appreciating the lessons learned, and releasing the attachment that causes suffering. When you align yourself with the unconditional love that is the essence of the Divine, you open yourself up to the healing power of forgiveness and the possibility of new, fulfilling relationships.
Finally, remember that once connected in your heart, even if you never see each other again in this lifetime, you’ll always remain connected through the Infinite Loving Heart of God. The love you gave didn’t go to waste. Exponentially multiplied, it will find its way back to you in ways you never imagined.
So, trust the journey and know that you are worthy of the love your heart desires. You are worthy of love no matter what. Keep your heart open, and let love find its way back to you.
From my heart to yours,
