Are you feeling heartbroken after losing someone you deeply loved? Maybe you feel stuck in sadness and have plunged into the depths of despair and grief, wondering how to heal a broken heart? If this sounds familiar, I want to share a powerful seven-step guide that will help you heal your heart and find happiness and love once again. This process helped me overcome my own heartbreaks, and I have no doubt it will help you too. Whether you’re going through a recent breakup or still dealing with old pain, this 7-step model will help you transition from pain to freedom. Let’s dive in!
The Pain of a Shattered Dream
After spending years helping people heal a broken heart, I’ve realized something profound. The pain we feel isn’t just from a failed relationship; it’s often the shattering of a dream we held onto too tightly. As Kahlil Gibran beautifully put it:
“For even as love crowns you, so shall he crucify you… All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart.”
When those dreams crumble, it feels like our hearts are broken. But really, they’re just wounded, needing time to heal. This healing journey is painful, but it’s also a chance for growth and self-discovery. Embracing our vulnerability and letting ourselves feel deeply opens us up to the possibility of even greater love and connection down the road.
My Personal Experience with Heartbreak
Each time I have experienced a broken heart, I have felt pain that I would never wish upon another soul. It sucked and hurt like hell. I wanted to scream, run, and die. But then, over time, the pain subsided, and my heart began to heal.
Just like our physical bodies are programmed for self-healing, our hearts are designed to heal. With every heartbreak, our hearts grow stronger, and we become emotionally more mature. The problem is that most of us unnecessarily prolong the pain by remaining attached to the person who hurt us and the story we keep telling ourselves about our relationship with them.
The more you hold on to the other person, the more painful it becomes. The more you hold on to the dream you created about this person, the more the pain grows.
The 7-Step Guide to Heal a Broken Heart
Based on my experience, there are seven steps that we all must navigate to heal a broken heart and become open to receiving more love. By following these steps, you can start to recover from heartbreak.
Step 1: Let Your Heart Break Open
You cannot heal what you cannot feel. You must give yourself permission to fully welcome the pain, anger, helplessness, or any other negative emotions. Welcome your need to fix it, make it go away, ignore or blame someone else for it. Welcome the guilt and shame, as well as any thought that it’s all about you and what someone else did to you. Welcome it all!
These cracks in your heart can let the light shine through, so let them widen and lean into the pain. Resist the urge to engage in distracting behaviors like excessive social media use or turning to substances, as they will only hinder your healing process.
Step 2: Release the Story
In step two, it’s time to let go and surrender the story you told yourself about this relationship, what happened, what it meant, and how it was supposed to be. Find that place within yourself where you can courageously admit to yourself the relationship came to an end, and it’s now time to surrender all your dreams, projections, expectations, desires, and attachments you forged along the way. Have a good cry and let your ego – the part of you that wants to be right and control the situation – take the hit and break! Your ego is wounded as well!
Step 3: Take Responsibility
At some level, you are responsible for this experience. You either collaborated, participated, tolerated, or allowed the set of behaviors or actions that ultimately led to a wounded heart.
Acknowledge what happened as part of what you needed to go through to learn more about yourself. Realize that you and the other person did the best you could. Most people don’t leave their homes thinking, “I’m going to break this person’s heart.” They are simply doing the best they can to avoid pain, be happy, and get what they want.
Step 4: Forgive and Let Go
To forgive means to ‘give forth.’ When you forgive, you’re giving yourself a gift – releasing toxic thoughts and emotions. Even if the other person doesn’t seem deserving, forgive them anyway. Remember, forgiving isn’t about condoning, but about freeing yourself from the weight of resentment.
In my experience, forgiveness often involves a two-part process. First, it consists of forgiving the person who hurt you, and second, it consists of forgiving yourself. Usually, you put yourself in great pain and suffering situations because you did not listen to your intuition, had unrealistic expectations, made unhealthy choices that went against your values, or any of the hundred possible things you could have done that you now blame yourself for. That’s why you forgive others, and you forgive yourself.
Step 5: Appreciate and Learn
Take some time to reflect on what you learned from this experience. What did this person come to teach you? What new things did you learn about yourself, about life, about being in a relationship with others?
It might be hard, but try to find something to appreciate about the person who broke your heart. Thank them for the lessons and positive moments you shared. Appreciation paves the way for conscious closure and moving forward!
Step 6: Strive for Moments of Joy
After you’ve done all the above, it’s now time to create moments of love and joy that will allow you to heal a broken heart and get ready to love some more.
Moments like…
- Spending time with your favorite, most loving friends. You know who they are!
- Going out on walks in nature, going to the mountain or beach. Mother Nature is the greatest healer of all!
- Pampering yourself with bubble baths, massages, a good book, or anything else that brings you joy.
- Doing something creative, fun, or inspiring.
- Focusing back on yourself, your dreams and aspirations, your career, or purpose in life.
These moments are the building blocks that’ll pave the path to a more open heart, ready to welcome the kind of love you know your heart has longed for.
Step 7: Focus on You and What You’d Like to Create Next
After you’ve moved through the first six steps, and you’re starting to feel hopeful about the future, it’s now time to focus on what kind of relationship you’d like to create next. Your previous relationship provided you with the contrast you needed to clarify what you want and don’t want.
Ask yourself:
- What kind of relationship would I love to create next?
- What kind of person would I love to be in a relationship with?
- Who would I love to be in my next relationship?
Then, create a new vision for the kind of relationship you intend to create. If you need help with this, be sure to check out my free article on How to Attract Your Soulmate and my e-book and guided meditation set on The Path to Soulmate Love. They’ll provide you with a step-by-step system to help you attract the love you want.
How Long Will It Take to Heal a Broken Heart?
A question I often get is, “How long does it take to heal a broken heart?” The time varies, but here’s a rough guide:
- On average, healing takes about half the length of the relationship. So, a two-year relationship might take a year to heal.
- The first 2 to 6 months are tough as you process the breakup and grieve.
- Around 3 to 6 months, you’ll feel less sad and think about your ex less.
- At 6 to 12 months, you’ll start feeling better and less attached.
- For longer relationships, it could take up to 12 to 18 months to fully heal a broken heart.
Most people start feeling better within about six months, especially when they practice self-care and self-love. Remember, it’s not a race – healing takes time.
Final Thoughts
If you’re feeling like giving up, please give these seven steps a try. Don’t deny yourself the opportunity to heal, grow, and learn more about yourself. Remember, healing is a journey that takes time. Be kind to yourself, embrace every step of the process, and know that you’re growing stronger each day.
Let your heart heal by loving yourself so much that this love you give yourself is what heals you. Let your heart heal by allowing the Divine forces of God’s Cosmic Love to resurrect it. For, ultimately, it is not time but love that heals you. That’s the secret to healing a broken heart.
From my heart to yours,
