One thing I know about you is that you love deeply and intensely. I also know that you’re willing to bend over backward for someone you love in an attempt to keep the relationship alive. But what happens when the person who has been the lucky recipient of your love, care, and compassion decides they don’t want to be with you anymore? What do you do when someone you’ve been super nice to changes their mind and pulls away? What do you do when the person you love decides to leave you?
Having someone you deeply care for walk away can be devastating. Especially, if you were the ‘heart-centered’ one in the relationship, the one that was more conscious and had a good understanding of what the other person needed in order to heal and become more whole.
Which is precisely why you attracted someone who needed exactly what you had to offer in the first place! That is UNTIL something happens in your relationship that triggers their biggest fear, issue, or block and they decide to run for the hills.
Because that’s what relationships are designed to do. As Eckhart Tolle once said, “relationships are not here to make us happy but to wake us up.”
When this happens, what do you do?
Do you try to convince them of how wonderful you are, and continue to bend over backward to keep the relationship going at all costs?
Or, do you simply let them go?
Why is it Important to Let them Go?
In my experience, holding on desperately to the other person has never worked. Not in the long run anyway. Simply, because it violates the other person’s individual sovereignty or right to choose who they want to be with.
What has always worked is releasing them and letting them go. Even if that caused me heartbreak and brought up my biggest emotional pain.
Sometimes they came back after being on their own for a while and learning what they had to learn from another person that just couldn’t be me.
Because no matter how much you love someone, you just don’t have it in you to do what it would take to help them learn the lesson they need to learn.
You see, you only have love, care, and compassion to give them. And what they need is someone who is mean and nasty to them, who can help them learn the lessons or get through the blocks they need to get through to grow.
And when their lesson is finally learned – if in fact they ever do learn it, they may or may not come back to you. And if they do, you may or may not want them back because along the journey you’ve also changed and grown.
This unpredictability is what makes human relationships so incredibly mysterious and complex. And this is precisely why every relationship you have is an invitation to learn more about yourself and grow in your capacity to be more loving.
What To Do When The Person You Love Decides To Leave You
If you find yourself going through a situation like the one I’ve just described, here are five things you can do that I know will help. It might not be what you want to hear, but it’s what I know has worked for me and everyone I’ve coached.
1) Acknowledge that you did your best
Realize that you helped them as much as you could and that your love, care, and compassion could only get them this far. This isn’t all about you. They have a lesson to learn, and you’re not the one that can help them with it. They need someone else who can help them at the level of their block.
2) Release them with Grace
To release someone with grace means to let them go with appreciation for the human being they are, for all those special moments you shared, and for all you learned while the relationship lasted. So, let them go with grace and bless their journey ahead.
3) Deal with your Own Feelings
Give yourself permission to mourn the loss of the relationship and allow your heart to break. Remember that ultimately what’s really breaking is the story you’ve told yourself about the relationship you had. And that your heart is a muscle that needs to ‘break open’ in order to love more. My article on How to Heal a Broken Heart can help you with this.
4) Send them Love
Find that place inside your heart where unconditional love grows and send them that love. This loving energy will not only help you heal and recover faster from this loss, but also support them along their journey of expansion and growth. A great way to do this is using my process to Send Love to Another Person.
5) Keep your Heart Open
Remain open and receptive to new love. Be open to the possibility that someone truly amazing could walk into your life at any moment and that this person could be a better fit for you. My Soulmate Call Meditation is a great way to keep your heart open and connect you energetically with the next person you’re going to meet.
Finally, remember that in our intimate loving relationships we are both students and teachers at the same time. We come together in order to help each other wake up, heal, and grow.
And that the Path to Soulmate Love begins the moment you love yourself enough to stop settling for less than you deserve, and wholeheartedly go after the kind of relationship where you’re truly loved, honored, and appreciated for the wonderful person you are.
From my heart to yours,